when we picked up the shovels

I had a conversation with Nate, wherein we talked about our old blogs, and read choice bits to each other, digging up things that should only surface in the presence of people you've let worse things surface in front of.  It also helped that it was two in the morning.

He pointed out mirror selfies I took when I was 14, and had a weird swoop thing going on with my hair, and I read, out loud, his old description where he called himself a "dreamy 16 year old."
There's a lot on these sites that says a lot about us.  It's an archive that contains things that I've forgotten, & certainly things I hope you've forgotten.  Yet, I allow those things to stay because I can't bear to get rid of them for fear that I would forget forever if ever I wanted to remember and suddenly couldn't, because the pages would be bare.  So, I continue to wonder if any of my friends, or anyone who might know me in some way has ever stumbled upon an old page out of curiosity, or to dig up something I've said.  I know I had opinions at the time, and I can't help but cringe at the thought of what they were, not even knowing the reality of them.  This thought, is, 100% very narcissistic, but that's what a blog is, right?  Valued narcissism from days of old, that has a value extending beyond that which you give it. Shared value. True Value.  The hardware of the internet. (Figuratively, & best understood if you don't have an Ace in your town.)

A few years ago, I used to blog on a page that was shared between myself and four friends. We would each post once a week, and our posts would be on a set theme. It was fun, of course, and it's made a pretty nice archive of what we were then. At the time, we would all talk a lot outside of the blog, so it was only natural that we took some of our thoughts and made them public in a place such as that.  However, it would be safe to say that group communication between all of us has deteriorated a bit.  Individual, not too much. Group? The Parthenon.
Here's the deal.  I can't help but wonder what it'd be like if we were to post there again.  To post there as we are now.  Is that healthy? Perhaps not, but it'd be interesting, and it would, if nothing else, add to the archives that are old blogs, serving as something to look at in a few more years, like a really, really weird scrapbook.

Get out your shovels, dig & unearth old words. But, don't, please, don't be afraid to plant.

-Ranger

I treat my friends like mismatched tile cleaner bottles.

This was originally written on an iPod touch in the middle of the night, so that should tell you a bit about the state of mind that I was in when writing this.

As of the time of, well, writing this, I'm about 1/3 of the way into The Perks of Being a Wallflower.
A great book, or at least, it is so far.
I've been told that it is sad, which I don't doubt it is, because it has had some sad moments that seem to...draw me in...that make me feel like I can relate and sympathize.
The way the family gathering was described reminded me of my own family gathering experiences, albeit with less alcohol and abusive remarks. I'm talking about the way Charlie felt awkward in that situation, mostly.

As a preface to this part of the post, I would like to start out by saying that I am one of those people that would love to be OCD and organized but at the same time has no idea about how to go about that whatsoever. As Adrian Monk would say: "It's a gift...and a curse." And as I would add, "a hellishly annoying one at that."

I think what I am getting at is that I also apply this to people probably more than I should.
I don't like this at all.
I find myself wanting to categorize friends, often unfairly, sometimes paring down on my contact with people I would like to, deep down, talk with all the more.
And then, at the same time, I find myself forcing my presence onto my friends that I might not even want to talk with all that much, or even be around, for that matter because I simply want to achieve this perverse sense of symmetry.

I can't think of any good ways to describe it. Are there benefits? It doesn't help me keep or make friends.

I guess it's something for me to think over, and maybe you guys can...see if you do this.

-Ranger