Summer Angst 2014 Pt. 1 of Many, at Least In My Head

For the past few summers, I've had this grand aspiration that I will have some sense of who I am bestowed upon me, that I'll be around a fire with friends and we will slip into a conversation that when I emerge gives me this knowledge it's foolish to want that easily.

It's while sitting in the swing in my backyard, cold, tired, that I wonder more than I have this year what I am going to do in these months.
Right now I find myself struggling to keep this post feeling the same from beginning to end, to be consistent, I guess. I'm piping music into my ears. "Killin The Vibe" is one of the tracks. Ironic, because I am trying my hardest to keep from killing the vibe. Excuse me, Killin The Vibe. Really, I think I've brutally murdered the vibe with a Bag of Hammers.

But back to that false illusion of group realizations that comes about in YA novels and is very much a factual thing to those who do so little socializing that actual factual interactions with people in a fantasy void situation is a thing that is still very much foreign, therefore I exist solely on bitter tea, barbecue chips, and idealized everything.
I go days without leaving the house and that is fine but I cannot drive yet, with nobody but myself to blame and that is perfectly fine because it is good that I have nobody to blame. Besides, I'm so cheap anyway that I would not leave the house because gas. And putting on pants. Putting on pants is no fun. (Which is why I have two pairs of pants on right now?)

Every spring I tell myself that I will see friends, I will live out some movie, and as the summer draws to a close we will all have some sort of collective revelation as to how our lives will play out, or at the very least, we will somehow in that moment, or collection of moments figure out how we at least want our lives to play out, discussing our plans to make that a reality as the fictional night draws to a close. (Or until someone falls asleep.)

But as that probably won't happen, I have to think of what will happen. 

I will probably see my friends. I will probably spend time with my family. Those things, hopefully, will happen.  

I don't expect to live as if I am in a novel that is planned by the mind of someone else to appeal to the mind of everyone else, and I'm fine with that. I am so very glad of that. But if I do have an adventure, have excitement, I won't complain.

I hope you've had a good day, by the way. Thanks for reading this far. It means a lot to have people read this, and I hope that maybe something could be taken away from it?
If you can think of anything you'd like for me to talk about, there is a comments section below, so don't hesitate to post a thing there. 

Thank you. 

-Ranger